Same same, but different
Starting a new chapter often feels passive, especially with birthdays. As a kid, people will ask how it feels to be your new age, and more times than not, it feels exactly like being your old age. Now I’ve begun to measure new chapters more with “seasons” of my life - like the season when I was a full-time camp counselor. (I started drinking coffee that summer) Or the season when I lived in Boston. (I started drinking iced coffee year-round there) Or my season as a DEI consultant by day and grad student by night. (we upgraded to espresso then)
I had the opportunity to work with yasmin marreo during a client workshop we co-facilitated with the Indwell Collaborative’s leadership, Tiffany Curtis. I participated in the Human Design segment of the workshop and learned that I am a generator. An oversimplified characteristic of this personality type is that we can work through burnout. Suddenly this added a new dimension and perspective to this most recent season of growth - it was to help me slow down. To teach me that I didn’t have to push through my grief, anger, sadness, and heartbreak. I could sit with it and simply “be.”
Now this was a shocking revelation, especially for my inner child, who was always doing or reading something. In fact, I found a vision board I made about 15 years ago where I envisioned my life 10 years into the future. And I’m proud to say that I have accomplished every single item on that vision board and then some. Little me hadn’t dreamed of grad school but I did pursue (and graduated with) a Master’s degree. Another reminder that it is incredibly difficult to dream goals for yourself that you can’t see and authentic representation can really matter.
Now as proud as I am of what I’ve accomplished and who I am thus far, it dawned on me that so many of my milestones were accomplished in this “doing” mentality. In college, what am I doing on this campus to make it more inclusive and welcoming? When my parents divorced right after my college graduation, it was about what am I doing to maintain my familial bonds amidst the shifting dynamics. When I was laid off, what am I doing wrong and how can I correct it? This list goes on and on. But in this past season of growth, suddenly I was able to simply focus on who I was being.
Now that may not be a significant mindset shift for you as you read this. You might think, “Well my doing comes from my being so they are simply different sides of the same coin.” And that may be true for you. But for me, there was a large separation because much of my pride and self-confidence came from the active pursuit of my goals, aka my doing. But now I’m choosing to focus on my present state of mind in the doing, aka my being.
I recently attended a webcast at work to learn more about Ramadan and the various ways in which my colleagues were celebrating with their friends and family. Ramadan Kareem to everyone celebrating! In closing the webcast, one of the hosts thanked everyone for their attendance and ended the webcast by saying, “You can learn far more about a person when you learn about them through their joy, rather than their trauma.” This quote felt like the perfect framing for this new season of life I am welcoming in. One of my early blog posts was written because I needed a way to express the way my grief and heartache were showing up in every aspect of my life. Therefore, many people learned more about who I am, the work I do, and the things I value through the lens of that grief. However, in my present view, I’m so excited to see what I will accomplish and share out of joy.
Ancient Chinese philosophers, Buddhist monks, my mother and many wise women before her remind us that many times you have to take the good with the bad. Nothing is absolute, but rather there is good in the bad, and bad in the good, and most things in life exist in the gray area. Or as Grammy-nominated artist GloRilla would say, “Every day the sun won’t shine, but that’s why I love tomorrow,” recognizing that every storm eventually runs out of rain, and figuratively that day might be tomorrow.
In the past, I’ve created a lot - out of fear, out of routine, out of obligation, out of societal expectations, and especially out of a scarcity mindset. But as the last season of my life required me to learn to be still, be intentional, and be present - it brings me a lot of peace to know that I am carrying all those lessons with me and using them to create relationships, work deliverables, recipes, and a million other things, out of abundance instead.
Anyone who’s ever climbed a hill, a valley, or a mountain, whether physical or metaphorical, knows that the view gets better with every step. Now whether you subscribe to astrology or human design, I do encourage you to explore new ideologies, philosophies, and ways of thinking because there is truth to be found in many places. I’ve been allowing myself to learn from human design, and astrology, and nature, and SIOP, and books, and graffiti’d messages on the street. Coupling that with moving more slowly, with more intention, and with higher awareness helps me to climb steps that much easier. And that’s where I am now. A lot of things in my life are the exact same, but I’m a step higher on the spiral staircase which allows me an even wider perspective and a deeper understanding of myself.
This year, I feel so lucky that the shift into a new season has been marked and aligned with such clear, tangible cues: starting a new role, enjoying this beautiful spring weather, and celebrating my golden birthday surrounded by friends and family who have loved me through many seasons of life. And whether you are able to actively notice when you are entering a new chapter or not, what I have noticed is an increase in considering perspectives I didn’t previously think about. I’m grateful for the many versions of myself that have existed across chapters of my life to bring me to this moment. And I’m grateful for all the tried and true aspects of my personality that remain core aspects of my being. And I’m grateful for the ways that the same ol’me will blossom and bloom in new and different opportunities.
Thank you for weathering the storm with me - I’m looking forward to all the ways we’ll think, laugh, grow, and be together in this new season. And whether you’re starting a new role like me, celebrating a promotion, navigating being laid off, keeping the motions going, or any other variety, I’ll leave you with reminders from the beloved Toni Morrison:
1. Whatever the work is, do it well—not for the boss but for yourself.
2. You make the job; it doesn’t make you.
3. Your real life is with us, your family.
4. You are not the work you do; you are the person you are.
graciously,
Jonea
